Going Back
by hopeforspoby
Summary: Spencer Hastings isn't herself anymore. After suffering many traumas from a terrible night, she finds herself at Radley with no one that she can really talk to. Everyone in Rosewood believes she is crazy, but is she really? Did she really do what they think she did? Read and find out. Follows 4X12 and has all couples included: spoby, haleb. jakeria and paily. It's worth reading!
1. Chapter 1

**This looks a lot like my other story, save me, that has been deleted for personal reasons, but it's very different. I had this ideas when I watched I movie and I decided to give it a try. This story starts a few months after 4X12, but there is a scene included in the episode that will be shown in later chapters. I hope you all enjoy and, please, REVIEW!**

Spencer's POV

I wake up from another nightmare, as usual. The room is dark and the windows and doors are closed, making me feel like I'm in prison, which isn't a lie at all. No one is here besides me and I suddenly feel lonely, but I let it go, knowing there's nothing I can do. The loneliness isn't a surprise for me anymore, I feel it every day. I haven't spoken to anyone I know for about three months and I eventually just got used to the idea of never speaking to them again. My parents, my friends and Toby, my boyfriend (or should I say ex-boyfriend?) haven't talked to me since I had first been admitted to Radley, three months ago. Yes, I, Spencer Jill Hastings, have been admitted to a mental hospital. Again. It's no wonder they don't wanna talk to me or even look at me. They, like everyone in the small town of Rosewood, Pennsylvania, must think that I'm crazy. Even I think that I'm crazy, I just don't say it. I mean, why else would I be here if I wasn't at least a little bit crazy? This is a mental hospital, for God's sake.

I turn on my lamp, get up and try to get these thoughts out of my head, like the doctors always tell me, but it's no use. As I walk to the window and open it, revealing the dark blue sky, almost black and the beautiful stars, all I can think about is Toby. I miss him so much and my heart closes with fear at the thought of what could have happened to him while I am gone. If he got hurt or (I try to shake this thought) died, I would never forgive myself. But I don't know anything about him, I don't know how he's doing or if he misses me. I'm sure that he doesn't, since he didn't come to visit me.

As I watch the sky, I see a shooting star. Even though I'm not exactly a faithful person, I wish that I can go home soon and see everyone to make sure that they're okay. After I finish my wish, I close the window and go back to bed. After taking a look at my clock and seeing it is only three in the morning, I turn off my lamp and try to go back to sleep. This time, I don't have any dreams and I wake up again at nine, when the alarm rings. I turn it off with my eyes still closed and only open them when I hear the door opening. My nurse, Rachel, comes in holding a tray and her usual smile is on her face. The plate has fried eggs with bacon, a toast, a cup with orange juice, a cup with coffee and an apple. I eye the amount of food with disgust, suddenly feeling nauseous. I haven't eaten much since I got here, that's why I'm so thin. I just haven't had will to eat and when I ate, I usually threw up.

Rachel sees my face and she sights, before placing the tray on my nightstand.

"Come on, Spencer, eat something. You haven't eaten very well since you came here and you're so thin that you're going to disappear. Besides, I made the food myself today, so it is good." She said and smiled at me, encouraging me to eat. I sighed and grabbed the plate with eggs and bacon and the cup of coffee. I bit the egg and swallowed it slowly, while Rachel eyed me. I ate the rest of my breakfast with difficulty, but Rachel made it easier by talking to me like I was a normal person. After I had eaten almost everything, except for the toast, I declared that I was satisfied and she smiled at me before taking the tray from my lap and putting it back on my nightstand.

"You know, you're food is much better than the usual food. You should cook for me every day." I said, trying to make her happy.

"Thanks, Spence. I'll take to Carter about this." Carter was the cooker, he made everyone's meals. He didn't cook badly, but I never really liked his food.

After eating, I changed into my usual white "dress", which went down tom my knees and wasn't very tight and went to the living room, as they called it. There, all the patients played games or played instruments to make them feel like normal people, even thought we all knew that we weren't normal, or we wouldn't be here. I usually played the piano, since it was my favorite instrument and it reminded me of Toby, since he played the piano and his mother also played. Rachel guided me to the piano and I watched all the other girls that were in the room. There was a Japanese girl playing guess who. Her name was Diana and she was very nice, I often talked to her. The reason she was here was because she tried to kill herself after her boyfriend dumped her to be with her best friend. I didn't think that she should really be here, she never did something to harm others. I did, at least everyone said that I did and since I didn't remember what happened that night, I believed in what the police said. By Diana's side, was Marylyn, my archenemy. I never liked her because she was always reminding me that I would never get back home and calling me names. She hated me only because the nurses liked me better, since I was nice to them and never tried hurting them like she did. She glance at me angrily and I immediately adverted my eyes. I sat at the piano and started playing while Rachel watched me.

As soon as I started playing, most of the noises in the room stopped. It was usual, because the other girls liked hearing me play the piano. I played the same song that I had played the day that Toby and I went to visit Dr. Palmer. Again, my mind drifted back to him. I felt tears threatening to fall, but I didn't want to cry in front of everyone, so I just shrugged it off. I stayed in the room playing various songs until Dr. Connor called me and said that it was time for my session of the day. I sighed and got up, before walking towards his room. I went there every day to talk to him about that night, about my dreams and about anything that I wanted. He always listened to me and gave me advices and helped me remember what really happened that night, but we never figured this out. I entered the blue room, with a sofa and a comfortable chair where Dr. Connor was already sat, watching me with his shining eyes. I walked to the couch and sat, trying to avoid looking in his eyes.

"So, Spencer, what do you wanna talk about today?"

"I don't know." This was always my answer and I always let him chose what we were going to talk about. Deep inside, I thought that these sessions were useless and unhelpful, but I'd never have the courage to say it out loud.

"Okay. Have you had any dreams last night?" I knew that he was gonna ask about my dreams and I considered not telling him, but I had become a bad liar and I hoped that he could help me figure this out.

"Not dreams, nightmares. I always have nightmares."

"I know. But just think about it, if we can figure exactly what happened that night, I'm sure that won't have anymore nightmares. The only reason you have them is because something is missing." I sighed, but proceed to tell him about my nightmare.

"It was the same as always. I was walking towards the barn and suddenly it was on fire. Then suddenly, I heard a scream and I saw a face, which I still haven't figured out whose. The difference is that I saw someone else this time." He listened to me carefully while writing everything that I was saying on his small notebook. I didn't know why he always did that, I had told him this dream a million times.

"Really? Who did you see?"

"I saw Alison." I said and didn't specify who Alison was. Everyone knew who she was, even people that worked at Radley. I think the whole world knew about the girl that was brutally murdered, buried in her own backyard and found a year later. Her death was one of the reasons why Rosewood had suddenly became so popular.

"That's interesting. What did Alison do?"

"She was holding a knife, she was covered in blood. And she said…" I paused, trying to contain the sob that was about to escape my mouth. I didn't want to relive the horrible details of this nightmare, but I knew that it was the only way that I would find out the truth. "She said: 'Come on, Spence, you need to do it. No one's going to miss you. The world's gonna be better without you. I want you to join me.'" I started crying by the end of the sentence and Dr. Connor sent me a sad glance.

"What did you do after she said that?" He asked me after sighing and I noticed that his hands were shaking. I felt myself shaking too as I recorded the memory.

"I took the knife from her hand and lifted it up. I didn't want to do this, but she was right, the world would be much better without me. So I pointed it at my right wrist and cut it deeply. It hurt like hell, but eventually the pain decreased and I felt relief, so I cut my other wrist just as deeply. The world started to disappear and I felt myself dying, but I had never felt so alive. Then Alison held me and the dream ended." I was out of breath by the time that I finished and a look of terror and pity crossed Dr. Palmer's face. He kept writing down furiously for a few more minutes until he stopped abruptly and looked at me.

"So you're saying that you killed yourself because Alison told you to? In your dream."

"Yes. But I'm sure that's not true. I would never do something as stupid as suicide, at least I thought. Can I go now? My time is almost over."

"Before you go, I have something to tell you."

"What is it?" I asked, afraid of what his answer would be.

"We, me and your nurse, have noticed how much you have improved since you were first admitted here. It is against our rules to let someone out, but I think that you deserve it, Spencer. You are different from the other girls, none of them are so determinate to figure the truth out and none of them have been as nice as you are to the nurses. So, we're giving you the choice of staying here or going back home." My jaw was on the ground by the end of his statement, so surprised I was. They wanted to let me go home! I could meet my friends and family again, and make sure they were all okay! I was so happy.

"Of course I want to go home." I answered shortly and Dr. Connor smiled.

"I thought that you'd say that. But after today's session, I think that you should stay here for a while longer."

"No, please, let me go home. I promise that I'll do anything you want!" He bit his pen, seeming to be thinking.

"Okay, we'll let you go tomorrow."

"Thank you, Dr. Connor! You're the best!" I got out of the couch and hugged him tightly. After that I went back tom my room as fast as I could, almost knocking Marylyn to the ground.

"Watch out, Slutty! Are you blind?" She screamed, but I ignored her completely. I got to my room two minutes later and started packing my few belongings and putting them on my yellow bag.

"What are you doing?" Rachel asked as she entered the room.

"I'm organizing my things." I replied shortly and kept putting things on the bag. First came my hairbrush and the two changes of clothes I had besides the one I was wearing and my pajamas. After that, came a few pictures that I had of me and Toby ands me and my friends. At last, came my shoes and the notebook with the drawings I made.

"So they let you go?" Rachel asked and I stopped organizing my things to smiled at her and nod my head. "That's sooo good! I'm so happy for you, Spence, you deserve that!" She hugged me and I hugged her back happily.

"I'm going to miss you so much." Rachel complained as she let me go and I saw tears leaving her eyes.

"I'm going to miss you too, but I promise that I'll come back to visit every week."

"You promise?" She asked and pouted.

"Yes."

"Okay. Now finish organizing your things while I tell Dr. Connor to call your parents and warn them that you're coming back home.'

"Okay." She smiled again and left. When she was gone, I picked the picture of my parents with me and Melissa that stood in my nightstand together with one of me and Toby. Did they even remember that I existed? Would they be happy that I was coming back or would they treat me like crap like they did all my life? I could only hope for the best. I could never imagine the troubles that going home was going to cause me. As I stood there, in my room in Radley, looking at that photo, I was obvious to what the future held for me. Just a hint: It wasn't good. In fact, it was much worse than being in Radley.

**What did you think? Should I keep going? Why do you think Spencer went to Radley? It will take you a while, but you'll figure that out. For now, leave me your theories. Do you think Spencer's parents will be happy that she's coming back home? Why haven't they visited her? If you liked this, hated this or if you even read this, tell me. I want you to tell me everything that you're thinking. When I get as many reviews as you can get me, I'll update. I hope that I can get to at least 4. Hope you enjoyed this. **


	2. Chapter 2

**I wanna thank all of you who reviewed the first chapter, you're awesome! This chapter takes place a day after the last chapter and many of you want to know what happened that made Spencer go to Radley, there will be a flashback from that night soon, but I want you to leave your theories. And for anyone that reads my other fanfics, I will try to update I Choose You by tomorrow and maybe Don't Leave Me also. Probably just I Choose You. Now, on with the chapter.**

Hanna's POV

The past three months had been really hard for everyone. Ever since we found out that Cece was red coat and Spencer went to Radley, we had suffered a lot. I still shiver when I think that I was so close to her while something terrible was happening to her and I did nothing to avoid it. That night, we decided to tell our parents about –A because we thought that it would be safe, but that was the biggest mistake we had ever made. Luckily for us, -A stopped sending us messages or acting around, but we knew that it was only a matter of time before they decided to come back and get their revenge. They did get their revenge, after all. They took Spencer away from us and there was nothing that we could do to change that. I still miss her everyday, just like everyone does. I'm sure that she's going through hell now, being back at Radley and having to endure the torture of knowing what she did or what the police say she did. I'll never believe them when they say she's dangerous and has to be punished, because I know her very well, the real her.

After she was found, we stayed in the hospital for almost three hours, thinking of reasons of why she'd do that. When we came with no reasons, we were sure that she didn't do that, that someone else did, probably –A. I saw Toby's face when aria said that she thought that –A did this and I knew he was thinking the same thing as me: That bitch better look out because I'm gonna hunt her down and kill her with my bare hands. I still can't believe that –A would go to these extremes, making the whole town believe that Spencer is crazy and sending her to a mental hospital.

I haven't seen her in these three months because the police said it's better if no one associates with this kind of people (crazy people) and we didn't want to cause anymore problems. My mother had just gotten out of jail for a murderer she didn't commit and they might put her back there if I do something that disobeys their rules. Toby tried to see her many times, but he was stopped before he could even enter Radley and eventually he gave up. I have become close friends with him over time, just like Paige and Jake. We are all like a family right now and we love each other and protect each other. That's why I'm so worried about Toby.

Ever since the last time he tried to visit Spencer, he hasn't eaten much and hasn't spoken much. He is always quiet when we come to visit him and I see him flinch every time someone mentions Spencer. I understand what he's going through, he kind of lost her, after all. But he isn't the only one that lost her. Today, me, Aria, Emily, Caleb, Jake, Paige, Toby and Jason, who had come back to help us, were reunited around Toby's loft talking about that night. Again.

"I still don't understand. Why would she do that?" Aria asked for what felt like the millionth time over the past three months.

"She wouldn't, Aria. That's the point. She didn't do it, someone else did and blamed it on her." Emily explained to her calmly. She was the calmest of us. It seemed like she was the one that was suffering less, because she never showed it, but we knew that she was broken the most. She had already lost Ali and Maya, now she had lost Spencer too. I say lost because we never thought that she'd come back. She had been in Radley for so long that it seemed like she'd stay there forever.

"I agree with you. But why would –A do that?" Toby asked and we all sighed. The discussions were always like this. We were tired of trying to find out the truth, we were tired of this torture. -A really didn't want to be present to mess with our heads and our lives. And, as the conversation kept going, we started remembering all of the terrible details of that night.

Two hours later, we had stopped talking and were watching a movie, a horror movie. I was lying on Caleb as the girls in the movie were stalked by death. I hated that movie, but the boys loved it and since Emily and Paige also liked it, I had no choice. We were in the middle of the movie when something unusual happened. Jason's phone rang. Toby paused the movie and we all watched as he grabbed it and his face changed. Fear took over my body as I thought about all the terrifying messages that we had received. My mind started racing, a million questions appeared. Was –A back? Was it the police?

These questions were answered as Jason answered the phone.

"Hey, dad, what's up?" We could only hear one side of the conversation, but it was enough tom leave us intrigued.

"I'm good, thanks for asking."

"Well, I don't think that I have anything."

"Sure, I can go."

"Sure, I'll call them." Then suddenly his eyes turned wide and I stopped breathing in fear.

"WHAT?"

"Why? Why not sooner?"

"Of course I can. Don't worry. You can count on me. Ok. Bye" He turned off the phone and looked at us.

"What the hell just happened?" I asked him, the anticipation killing me.

"My dad wants us to have dinner at his house tonight."

"And what's the matter with that?" Aria asked, confused as well as the rest of us. Jason sighed and I thought that it couldn't be good.

"Spencer's back."

"What do you mean she's back?" I asked, still confused.

"I mean she got out of Radley. They let her go today and she went home.

"So they want us to go to this dinner so we can see her?" Aria asked.

"I think so." Jason answered. " He wants us to help her go back to having a normal life. I know someone that can do that better than the rest of us." I knew who he was talking about and so did the others. We looked at Toby, who had his eyes glued to the floor and an unreadable expression in his eyes. He could help Spencer much more than the rest of us. He knew her better than anyone and he also loved her. I could see it in his eyes, even though he never verbalized it. He loved her. He never stopped, just like he never stopped believing in her and having faith that someday she'd come back. So it was decided, he'd help her and we'd help him.

Spencer's POV

The next day I woke up and seven, thankfully and unusually from a night without any dreams or nightmares. I was so anxious to get out of this hell that I was changed and showered before Rachel even came to the room. When she finally came, I, for once, didn't complain about having to eat and ate my whole breakfast (the same as yesterday) within 10 minutes. She was surprised and my fastness, but she knew that it was because of how anxious I was.

When I was finally able to see the sunlight, out of Radley, I started smiling like an idiot, but I stopped as soon as I saw my parents' car. I was afraid of their reaction after seeing me. They got out of the car, looking perfect as usual.

"Spencer!" My mom screamed and she came to give me a hug. I was surprised at first, but hugged her back rapidly. My father soon joined us and I appreciated the comfort that their hug provided me. For the first time in my life, I felt loved by my parents. When we finally let go, they kept smiling at me and we walked to the car. As they drove around the town I once called my home, I saw all the posters with the same word I had seen when Ali disappeared. Missing. But, this time, there was a different face on this posters and I felt sick and tearful. It was Melissa. My sister, even if she wasn't the best sister, was missing. Gone. And it was all my fault. I knew it was. I cried silently, not wanting my parents to see me like this. However, I noticed that my father glanced back a couple times.

Less than an hour later we were already home and I walked there slowly as my parents followed me, my father holding my small yellow suitcase. I took a look at the house and didn't see many changes around it, except for the barn. It hadn't been rebuilt and it was completely destroyed, most of it being burnt wood and a few ashes. They noticed that I was looking at it and I saw their expressions change from happy to worried.

"We are still thinking about rebuilding the barn, but it's probably gonna take time.'

"So you didn't leave it there as a memory of who I really am?" I asked them and they seemed a little afraid.

"We never believed that you did it, Spencer. We know you better. Let's come inside." My mother said and I followed them inside, feeling happy that at least someone believed that I wasn't guilty. They took me to my room and my father dropped my suitcase by my bed before they disappeared somewhere around the house. This used to be my house, I thought. Just like Hanna, Aria and Emily used to be my friends.

I shook these thoughts and started walking around the room. It hadn't changed much since the last time I was here, only a new clock was on the nightstand and there were new curtains. I walked to the window and opened it, feeling the fresh air fill the room. As I looked at the DiLaurentis' house, I saw her. Alison. She was standing on her window looking at me with that same smile she always wore. I eyed her angrily, but she didn't go away. It was an hallucination, I knew it, but it seemed so real. Finally, my mother called me and I broke our trance. I closed the windows and the curtains and walked to my parents' room.

"What is it, mom?"

"Well, we're having a welcome back dinner tonight and your friends have been invited. They promised to help you go back to having a normal life."

"Why would they want to come?" I asked, more to myself than her.

"They are your friends, Spencer. They don't care that you went to a mental hospital, they still love you just like me and your father. Now why don't you go take a shower and then change into some normal clothes, which are on your closet?"

"Okay." I mumbled and left the room. Everything seemed so different, I felt so strange while talking to them. I walked back into my room to see that, thankfully, the windows and the curtains were still closed. No more hallucinations for today. I showered and changed into a blue dress with blue high heels. I felt much more comfortable in normal clothes than in my "mental" clothes that I was wearing before. It was so good to feel normal again, like I actually had a chance of having a normal life. Of course, things weren't like that. As I walked back to my room, I noticed the yellow paper on my bed. I grabbed it, thinking that maybe it was a message from my mom, or dad, but it was much worse. There, in red, capital letters were written the words that changed everything I knew about myself.

I KNOW WHAT YOU DID

I stayed there, thinking about what it could possibly mean. Had I done something that night, and maybe that was the reason I couldn't remember? Or was someone just playing with me? The message wasn't signed by –A, but I felt like I didn't know the person that had sent it. Should I tell anyone? No, they'd think I did something terrible. This stupid message could ruin my whole life. So I just folded it and kept it under my pillow. This was no one was going to ever see it.

"Spencer! Come down, honey, they are almost here!" My mother called and I followed her instructions, but not before glancing at my window and thinking if it she had sent the message. I knew it to be impossible, because she was dead, but I was crazy anyways, it was normal for me to have crazy thoughts like this. I heard the doorbell ring and I stopped as I heard their voices. First Jason, the girls, then their boyfriends and finally, Toby. My Toby. He was there too. How would I survive a whole night with him after not seeing him for three months? Well, I better survive, because if I don't, I'll never know what really happened that night. So I just sighed and kept walking downstairs. Tonight I would pretend that I was the same Spencer everyone knew. I would keep the message a secret that would stay with me until I died. Ironically, life decided against it.

**What did you think? I gave you some hints about why Spencer went to Radley already, so I ask you: Why do you think she went to Radley? What do you think happened that night? Your response to last chapter was incredible, so I'll ask for 6 reviews again. Thank you all!**


	3. Chapter 3

**So… How long has it been since I updated this story? A year? Two years? Anyways, I'm updating now and I'm sorry that I'm so late, but I was out of ideas. This chapter is very short, but it's kind of an introduction to the rest of the story. I'll try to update soon.**

Spencer's POV

I finished going downstairs and stopped in the last step to watch the scene in front of me. Toby and Jason were talking to my dad while the girls stood there talking with their boyfriends. They seemed happy which surprised me because –A was still around. Or weren't they? I haven't talked to them or seen them in so long that it feels weird seeing them in my house. It is almost as if we are strangers, not old best friends. I don't know what I am supposed to do, if I should call their attention or just wait until they notice.

Emily suddenly stops talking to Paige and her eyes lock into mine. Her face shows her surprise at seeing me and she notices the many changes I have. It's almost as if she doesn't recognize me. I stand there suddenly feeling uncomfortable and the other girls also look at me. Toby and Jason still talk to my parents and I'm glad that they haven't looked yet, because I don't think that I'm ready to look into the love of my life's eyes and see only hatred or fear.

We stay in silence for a few minutes and I try to avoid their eyes as they keep staring at me. Hanna is the first one to break the awkward silence.

"Spencer? Is that you?" She asks. It's not what I was expecting her to say. I know that I have changed a lot, but I wouldn't expect her not to recognize me. Even though I'm thinner, paler and my eyes have horrible dark circles under them, I am still the same Spencer they have always known.

"Yes." I say weekly and they just keep staring at me. Upon hearing my voice, Toby turns away from my parents and his beautiful ocean eyes lock into mine. His face is full of pain and fear and I feel bad that I have caused this. He has every right to hate me because I'm such a bad person. My parents notice the tension on the room and they try to distract everyone.

"Dinner is ready, so we should come to the kitchen." My mom says and she gives me a comforting smile. This is all the encouragement that I need as I start walking towards the kitchen. I hear footsteps behind me and I can feel their eyes burning into my skull, but I completely ignore them. We sit by the desk and my mother serves us and we start to eat. Dinner goes by slowly and I can't wait for it to finish. I can't stay here anymore with this people that are acting like strangers, they are starting to scare me. My parents try to start a conversation, but nobody talks to them so we just stay in silence. I can't stop but keep glancing at the barn. Its appearance makes me shiver and I turn my eyes away, but I can't shake the feeling that something terrible happened in there.

When at last we finish eating, I feel so sick that I might just throw up in my plate. Toby hasn't stopped sending me worried glances but I ignored all of them. He doesn't seem like the guy I once knew and I guess it's my fault, since I caused him and everyone so much pain. My parents are looking down at their plates and Hanna and Emily are silently talking. Suddenly, I can't take it anymore.

"Look, I'm sorry okay?" I scream at them and they look at me with fear in their eyes. "I'm sorry that I'm such a disappointment to all of you, but I'm suffering too. I had to stay at that… Mental hospital for three months while you were walking freely so the least you could have done is try to act like humans." I feel relief wash over my body as I finally get this out of my chest and I put my napkin on the plate forcefully and run out of the kitchen, closing the door hardly. When I finally reach my room, I lock the door and go to my bed. I pull out the covers and lie in the bed, crying my eyes out. When I'm done crying, I hear steps coming towards my room, but I don't wanna talk to anyone so I just ignore them and grab a nightdress and my favorite teddy bear since I was born. I lie in bed again and pull the covers over me. For the first time in three months, I feel at peace. I close my eyes slowly and try to take all the images of the past three months out of my mind. It works after not even a minute and I'm asleep. I sleep the best I have ever slept since forever.

Toby's POV

When I get to her house, I have butterflies on my stomach and my hands shake with fear. I fear that she's not the same Spencer I know, that's he has become crazy like all the patients at Radley. Luckily, her parents open the door and I step inside with the girls, their boyfriends and Jason following me. Since my relationship with Spencer's parents has improved a lot in the past three months, I start talking to them. I hear movement coming from the stairs, but I'm too afraid to look.

"Spencer? Is that you?" I hear Hanna ask and then I hear her voice. Her beautiful voice that I miss so much.

"Yes." She says weekly and I realize that she's scared too. I also realize that I'm still avoiding her eyes, so I look at her. She is still the most beautiful women I have ever laid my eyes on, but she looks so different. There is no smile on her face or that familiar determination that used to shine on her eyes. She is so much skinnier and paler that I remember. Her eyes avoid mine as soon as I look at her and my heart sinks. She doesn't love anymore, she isn't the same girl I used to know. Her parents notice that everyone is staring at her and they invite us to dinner. I notice the smile that Veronica gives Spencer and how she seems to strengthen after that and walks to the kitchen before any of us.

The dinner starts and Spencer's parents try to make conversation, but no one replies to their questions. Is almost as if no one can hear them and for me that is true. I'm too intrigued by Spencer, how much I wanna talk to her or touch her. But she doesn't seem to notice me, she ignores everyone and I notice how she keeps glancing at the barn. It must be awful to see that place, considering that's where it all happened. But I don't believe for one second that she would do that, I'm sure that –A set her up.

We are almost finishing dinner when Spencer sighs in frustration and she says something that shows that a part of mine Spencer is still in there.

"Look, I'm sorry okay?" I scream at them and they look at me with fear in their eyes. "I'm sorry that I'm such a disappointment to all of you, but I'm suffering too. I had to stay at that… Mental hospital for three months while you were walking freely so the least you could have done is tried to act like humans."Before I even have time to reply, she's already on her way out of the kitchen and then upstairs, probably to her room. I sigh, I have just lost my chance to assure her that I'm still by her side. Her parents look at us with frustration and I suddenly feel guilty, even though it wasn't my fault.

"You should probably go." Her mom says quietly and she stares down at her plate while her father puts a comforting hand on her shoulder.

We decide that we better leave and I take a last look at the house before entering my truck and going home. I feel so frustrated, I was supposed to make things right with Spencer tonight but instead I just screwed it all up. I'm such a jerk, I should have contradicted her before she could go upstairs. But tomorrow is a new day, maybe I can fix this mess.

**Sorry this chapter was so short, but I'm out of ideas. I'll try to make next chapter longer, I promise. 3 reviews and I'll update.**


	4. Chapter 4

Spencer's POV

_I was in the barn. Again. I immediately closed my eyes, recognizing the nightmare I had been having for over three months. I could feel the cold breeze coming from the open window and the presence of someone. This time, I opened my eyes. I almost jumped in shock. They were here. Hanna, Aria and Emily were standing right in front of me with sad smiles on their faces._

_What the hell was going on? What were they doing here? Was this a different nightmare? My head was spinning but I didn't have time to think because there was a scream, a laud scream that broke my heart._

_It came from Emily's mouth, and her once brown eyes were now gray, cold, dead. I noticed that her shirt was starting to get red and I already knew what was happening. _

_"Noooo!"I screamed loudly, the tears falling like rain. I ran towards Emily, but before I could reach her, she suddenly disappeared. The three of them disappeared and I was suddenly alone. Had I imagined all of this? _

_I couldn't stay in that place for much longer, so I ran to the door and got out. My backyard wasn't the same, it was full of graves, looking more like a cemetery than a graveyard. What the hell was going on? I heard an explosion and looked back, only to see the barn being slowly consumed by flames. I watched in horror as everything that my parents had worked so hard to get was turned into only ashes._

_The only thought running in my head was that I needed to get out of here. I started running through the graves, but suddenly a hand grabbed my foot and I fell to the ground. I was lucky not to hit my head on the grave in front of me. That's when something caught my eye: In the grave were written a few words, words that I would never want to see._

_Aria Montgomery (1995-2013). A great sister and daughter and the best of friends._

_I started crying as soon as I saw it and I slowly got up. A noise was heard behind me and I watched as my three best friends (or should I say ex-best friends?) stood there, dresses cut and blood falling everywhere. I looked down and saw that I was holding a knife and there was blood in it. _

_I stared at it in shock as reality sunk in. No. No way. There was no way that this was happening! I looked back to them and they were staring at me with dead eyes._

_"Noooo!"I screamed loudly, but it was like no one could hear me. "This is just a nightmare. I didn't do anything!"I tried to convince myself, but the evidence was locked against me. That's when I heard another scream. This time, I didn't want to see it or even hear it. I felt something cut my fingers and then there was only darkness. I was gone._

I wake up from my nightmare, covered in sweat. I am breathing really quickly and my heart is beating so fast that I feel like it is going to jump from my chest. I still feel scared and the darkness of the room does nothing to help with it. My hand touches the lampshade and light fills the room. I sigh in relief, but not even a second later I hear a sound.

I looked around slowly and try to scream when I se her, but her hands cover my mouth before any sound can escape it.

"Shhh…"She says and her blue eyes stare into mine with determination. Once she's sure I won't scream, she releases her hand.

"What the hell are you doing here?"I ask her in confusion and it sounds much more rude that I planned.

"I needed to talk to you, but it wasn't safe before."

"Talk to me about what?"I asked her and her face grew serious. She looked around the room and then back at me.

"Look, I don't have much time, so just listen to me. Something terrible is gonna happen soon and you're the only one that can stop it from happening. You need to be strong, Spence."Before I could ask any questions, there was a noise coming from the corridor and Alison immediately got up. She moved to the other side of the bed and turned off the lampshade. Stuck in the darkness again, the fear came back to me but it was long gone by the time my father opened the room and asked if everything was okay. I said that it was and he closed the door and went back to his bedroom.

I sighed as soon as he was gone and turned on the lampshade again, but Ali was no were in sight. Had I imagined that she was here? Or was she real? I was too tired to think of it now, so I just closed my eyes and went back to sleep.

The morning came really fats, I had barely close my eyes and the sunlight was already coming through my closed windows. I got up slowly and made the way to my closet, before putting a yellow shirt and black leggings. I washed my teeth and brushed my hair until it fell perfectly on my shoulders. I went upstairs slowly, trying not to wake up my parents.

When I got to the kitchen, my stomach growled, showing how hungry I was. I had gotten used to not eating much over the past few months, but right now I felt like I could eat the whole kitchen. I grabbed some ingredients from the refrigerator and started making breakfast.

Less than an hour later, I was sat on the counter eating eggs with bacon and drinking orange juice. My parents were still sleeping and everything felt normal, for once. After I finished having breakfast, I washed the dishes and went back upstairs.

I looked around the room, thinking about what to do. I was used to always having a schedule in Radley, I always knew what I had to do and when. Now that I was free from that hell, I had no idea what to do. I paced around the room when I heard the doorbell ringing. Who would be coming to my parent's house so early? (it was only 8:30)

I went downstairs and stopped right in front of the door. I don't know why, but I was afraid of opening it. I was afraid of seeing whoever was on the other side. But I opened the door anyways. And it was a big surprise to me.

"Can I come in?"He asked as soon as I opened the door. I was speechless, a million thought running through my mind. What was he doing here? Did he want to fight with me? Did he want to apologize for the way he acted yesterday? I finally remembered that I was still staying in front of him holding the doorknob like an idiot, so I stepped back and let him come in.

I sat in the white couch while he sat in front of me. We stayed like there, in silence, for a few more minutes. He was the first to break the silence.

"So… Hmmm…"

"What are you doing here?"I snapped back, somewhat rudely. I was feeling extremely tired and confused after everything that happened last night.

"I just wanted to… apologize, I guess. I shouldn't have acted like that towards you."

"Good. Apology accepted. Now you can go."I replied and stood up, but he suddenly grabbed my arm. The sudden contact shot sparks down my arm and I stood there, paralyzed. I haven't felt like this in a long time, a little more than three months.

"Wait, Spencer."He said my name in the same tone he used to say back when we were dating and I felt my heart flutter. How much I missed him, holding him, kissing him. But I needed to be strong now because I didn't know if he was the same guy I used to know. I knew that I wasn't the same girl he used to know.

"What?"I asked him, less rudely but still not falling for those beautiful blue eyes.

"Look, I know that you're not the same girl I used to know, I'm different too, but I don't want to lose you. I never stopped loving you, not even after all these three months."

"If you didn't stop loving me, why didn't you visit me? Why did you let me go through this all alone?"I asked him and this time I was unable t control my tears and I started crying unstoppably.

"I tried, I swear to you. I tried to visit you many times, but they never let me. They said that it wasn't good for you, that you should stay alone."

"They were wrong."I replied through my tears. At least I had a decent explanation to why no one visited me. I was so afraid that they all hated me for what I did.

I didn't realize that he was holding me until I felt his strong arms encircle my waist. I gasped, surprised and he looked at me as if asking for permission. This time, when I looked into his ocean eyes, I couldn't think. I needed him to hold me. So I just nodded my head and he wrapped his arms tightly around me while I wrapped my delicate arms around his neck. We stayed like this for a few more minutes and before I even realized what was happening, we were leaning forwards, our lips almost touching. I didn't make one sound this time and we were almost kissing when there was a noise behind us.

I looked back and was surprised to see my mom standing there in her work clothes, her hair done perfectly. She was staring at us suspiciously and we immediately pulled apart and pretended that we weren't doing anything.

"Hi, mom." I sad quickly at the same time Toby said "Good morning, Mrs. Hastings."

"Good morning, honey."My mom replied as she looked at me."I'm sorry if I'm interrupting anything."She raised her eyebrow and I was the first one to deny any thoughts she could be having.

"No, you didn't interrupt anything. Toby just came to wish me good morning And he was just about to leave."I looked back at Toby and he had a hurt expression on his face, but I decided to just ignore it. He gave me a quick hug and left the house, leaving me alone with my mom. She just gave me a knowing look and a quick kiss on the forehead before leaving to work (I have no idea why she's working on a Sunday, but…)

Now I had nothing to do. Great! I went back to my room and as soon as I entered it, I felt like there was something terribly wrong. My fears were confirmed when I looked on my nightstand and saw a paper on the ground. Picking it up, I realized that it had changed from its normal white color to a strong red. I felt my blood go cold as I realized what it was. I dropped the paper to the ground, but the words written on it would be forever on my mind.

_THERE WAS MUCH MORE BLOOD THAT NIGHT, AND IT WASN'T JUST YOURS. STILL DON'T BELIEVE ME?_

I looked around the room, terrified. Someone had been here, someone had came into my room and put this here. But, who? Was it –A? I heard a noise behind me and my heart started beating really fast. I was so scared that I didn't even consider searching for the source of the sound, I just ran to the door and hid behind it. I could hear steps coming towards my room and my breaths increased a lot. Was it –A? Were they going to kill me? I saw a shadow on the carpet and someone entered the room slowly.

"Spencer?"The person said and I finally realized my mistake. It wasn't a cold-hearted murderer, it wasn't any stalker. It was my dad. God, how stupid I could be sometimes.

"Dad!"I screamed and I ran to him, jumping in his arms. He almost fell to the ground, so surprised he was by my sudden hug, but he hugged back and kept his balance.

"Hey, it's okay…" he said when he realized that I was crying and he tried to comfort me, but it didn't work.

"I'm scared."I managed to say through my tears and this just made him hug me tighter.

"It's okay, you don't need to be scared. I won't let anybody hurt you."His words comforted me enough and my cries soon turned into sobs and then stopped. When I felt completely okay, I parted from the hug and so did he.

"Look, I have to work right now, but you can call me if anything happens, okay?"He asked and I just nodded my head. It had been years since I had hugged any of my parents like this and I felt like there was still hope that our relationship could change for the better.

My dad left the house twenty minutes later, after checking that I was truly okay and that I would be okay alone. Once he was gone, I went back to my room and searched for the paper, but it was long gone. Maybe I had imagined it? I had been in a mental hospital for three months, it would be no surprise it I invented scary messages.

The rest of the day passed by slowly and I felt my stomach contract when I thought that I would be going back to school tomorrow. I was in no way ready to face all of those people that believed I was crazy and probably hated me, but I was a Hastings, I had to be strong.

Toby didn't come back for the rest of the day and I felt sad, I missed him. I was so close to kissing him today, why did my mom have to appear suddenly? I guess that it was fate warning me that I shouldn't be doing that. I sighed as I thought of how long it had been since we last kissed.

_It was right after we made up when he finally appeared after our fight on the country dance. We were laying on the couch with a red blanket covering our bodies. He had his left arm wrapped around my shoulders in a comforting hug as I lay my head on his shoulder._

_"I was so worried about you today."I said softly and I sighed, breathing into his scent._

_"I know. I'm sorry that I didn't answer your calls, but I needed some space."_

_"It's okay. Just promise me that you'll warn me the next time."_

_"Okay."He said and our conversation ended. We stayed in silence for a few more minutes before he turned me so I was looking directly at his blue eyes. I had no idea what he wanted, but it was clear when he leaned down and captured my lips with his. I kissed back with passion, loving the feeling of his arms holding me close, protecting me from everyone and everything When we finished the kiss, both breathless, I started giggling._

_"I was not expecting that."I said softly after I had regained my breath._

_"Me neither." He replied and we smiled at each other, remembering our first "date". In that moment, I never wanted him to let me go, I wanted to stay with him forever. Things soon changed and the next night was the night they found me. That's when everything that we once had was torn to pieces and we had to be apart for three months._

I wished that we could go back to what we used to be, but I knew that it wouldn't be possible until I found out what really happened that night. Toby was a really great person and he had a heart of gold. If I let him be there for me and then I found out that I did something terrible that night, it would break us both. So that was decided. I needed to stay away from Toby Cavanaugh. The only question was, how in hell was I gonna do that?

**What did you think? Are you mad at me that I didn't let you get your spoby kiss? Don't worry, it will come soon. Right now, Spencer just wants to be sure she didn't do anything bad. But who knows if she did or not? And who do you think left the messages for her? I'll post next chapter as soon as I finish writing it.**


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